The art of giving

Recently my friend forwarded me a presentation that says why we should give away things to make way for the new. The message was not only meant for material things but also mental/emotional baggage. It said give away or throw them out of your system so that new things enter your life.

I have this habit of cleaning up my cupboard at regular intervals. I either trash or donate those, which is of no use to me. Though I practice this, my family doesn’t. Most of them have a war chest of antique items. My mother is a fine example; she always cribs about the lack of space to store but doesn’t think on the lines of making space for the new.

I was very happy to share the presentation with her, so much so that I did a presentation of the presentation itself for her. The fact that the presentation was from the “Art of living” there was a religious bend to it and I tried to sell the message as the message of god. I tried telling her even god wants you to make space for new things in life by donating or discarding the old. Earlier whenever I asked her to donate or trash any thing old, she would retort “ your parents are also old, does that mean you would discard us one day”. That was it, she would bowl me out with these dialogues.

This time I was able to mouth gods message of giving and making things for new. For a change I was able to convince her. She would complain at times that god was not listening to her despite her repeated pleas. Her daughter was not married; son was still struggling in life. Nothing was moving despite her prayers to god. I jumped to explain why it was not working. I made her believe that status quo was being maintained in her life because she was blocking change. Where will change come and reside, I asked her. I told her, her mind and cupboard were full; make space for god to be kind J.

Half-heartedly she agreed. She reviewed her cupboard for things that could be discarded. She stumbled on an old synthetic saree and decided that she would gift it to our maid. Mission accomplished.

One day after I returned from work, my mother looked very upset. On being asked why she was so upset, my mother let loose her anger on me. “You asked me to donate and look what happened…the maid refused my donation”… .I asked her to calm down and tried to get the exact picture. Apparently when my mom gifted the saree to my maid, she inspected it closely and rejected it immediately. She found that saree worn outJ. My mother was angry that the maid could refuse her donation, her largesse!! I wanted to tell my mom that the maid is not to be blamed; it shows how much she uses and reuses things leaving them with no life. I could not dare say that, considering her temper. All my convincing on the art of giving had gone waste.

I tried to wriggle out of the situation by telling my mom that while sharing and donating is important, it is equally important that we donate to the right people. The maid was not the right person to receive her saree, there are more needy out there. May be she should try the woman who comes to collect trash, she would need it more than my maid. For now I have managed to convince her and fervently hope the trash woman does not reject it. My mother feels it is better to barter the same for utensils, her practice for long. There is hardly any place for utensils in the kitchen, and you are not creating space for new things in your life I reminded here.

She gave me an unconvinced look, I think the art of giving has been booted out of her system for now at least L.

Right blend of intelligence and marketing skills

Mid year is the time of self-appraisals in most of the organizations. It’s a nightmare to some including me. To Sunita, a good friend of mine it is an occasion where her manager reduces her confidence to bits after relentless badgering. How she wished this could be done away with. Yet she has survived in the same organization for 8yrs now.

Last year during mid year process she asked her manager if she could look for growth by the end of the year. Her manager was all for it, encouraged her, said she was in the right direction. End of the year she was surprised when her letter did not spell out that she has been promoted. She confronted her manager only to be told that she only asked for growth and not promotion. So her workload was doubled as she asked for growth but not her grade or salary. Lesson learnt, in the corporate world be very clear about what you are expecting.

Every year the format of the appraisal would be that her manager would start talking and level a barrage of volleys where she went wrong. Sunita would just listen. When the time came for her to bat the volleys, Sunita’s confidence would have been battered. She forgot what good things she did. In the end all that would get documented was the managers views and her views highly shaped and influenced by managers volleys. By the time Sunita came out of trance the appraisal would have been signed sealed and delivered.

After 8 years my friend decided she would change the game. This time when the mid year session was called my friend decided to be in the drivers seat. This time on entering the room, Sunita set the tone of the discussion. For the first time in life she decided to market herself. She started talking of all great things that she did, so much so that even in failure she pointed out what she learnt out of those and how she implemented those learning’s to deliver on a winning note. Her manager was dumbfounded. He did try to cut her short, but Sunita would not allow. At times she repeated the same facts again and again, but she did not stop. Finally when her mouth completely dried out she asked her manager for his opinion. He agreed after a long pause with some tits and bits of failures. Sunita was magnanimous enough to let him have some of his stance. She asked him point blank if she can expect to be promoted to which he replied yes.

Lesson learnt, you might be intelligent, might be a whiz kid but if you don’t know how to market it, you will never succeed. My boss is quite blunt about it; he is a very good marketing guy with an average intelligence. He always tells me he can hire ten intelligent guys under him and get the task delivered. A six sigma black belt adorns his desk, as he says his pride possession is a result of his marketing skills. He says over a dozen projects were presented for the award, and according to his own admission and that of a judge, his project was well presented though content of others were far better.

Before I conclude I am also one of the dumb intelligent person with zero marketing skills. At times I think I can shine by hiring a marketing guy the way my boss hires intelligent people. The fact however is that only those that are visible sells. So I will still remain in the background. The present model works better J.

Summer in Gurgaon

I had been to Gurgaon recently on an official trip. I was there to conduct interviews. It was not exactly the peak of summer as it had rained a week back. But the temperatures were sent soaring due to the presence of several head honchos of the bank I work for. All of them had descended to screen candidates for the most ambitious off shoring project that our bank has undertaken in the recent past.

In a span of 3 days I met about 30 candidates. It was a great experience. I had heard about young and hungry India and there it was on full display. Most of them were graduates with postgraduate management degrees. Some of the institutes were obscure but the confidence displayed by the candidates was amazing. They could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo!!!.

90% of them were from small towns of India, the names of which I have read about only in textbooks. Panipat, Dwarka, Allahabad etc. I could see the arrival of the small town to share the prosperity that India has been churning out which until now was restricted to big cities of India.

During interviews I would recall those days when I was their age, fresh from college, dreams to make it big but not enough opportunities. In 10 years things have changed. The guys were job-hopping; the maximum time any one would have spent is 2 years. The standard answer given by most for a change was “more challenge” though none could convincingly define the challenge they were after.

Driven by habit I could not stop lecturing this young India on the importance of building a career. They all agreed, but I have no clue how many of them would take that seriously. Monetary jump is more important to them and the least a candidate is expecting is around 25% increase. This made me wonder where I was when god was distributing this kind of destiny.

I could not help but notice the skewed male-female ratio. It is prevalent in North India. The girls we met could impress any one. To me they represented a glimmer of hope that daughters can survive in this rough terrain.

The interview session was successful. We could manage to issue offer letters to 60% of the candidates interviewed. For some of them it would be a sea change in monetary and career terms. Their dreams are about to take flight, the take off was from small towns and cities of India, the place of landing only time will tell.

Nature Vs Nurture

Every morning when I leave for work I meet this cute little boy aged about seven in the lift. His name is Pratish. Like all school children in India he has this huge back pack the weight of which makes him bend. He is a boy with a tiny, slim frame but full of enthusiasm. Today it was raining heavily and being a Friday I was dragging myself to work. I asked the little boy if he was bored to go to school and he said “not really”. I prodded him a bit more to accept my reasoning that it is too hard to work when it’s raining heavily and you could have a cozy sleep. He reluctantly agreed with a shy smile.

Coming to the topic that I am writing about, this little boy’s mannerism floors me. In India I am not used men holding the door for a woman or making way for women. Young Pratish is an exception; he holds the lift door for me with all the weight he is carrying for me. I try not to make him hold, but he refuses to budge. This makes me wonder if manners are a result of nature or nurture.

I have come across many men well educated, and so called cultured type, not many of whom will do what young Pratish does. The same men go out of way when it comes to their family or friends but with strangers they are at their rowdy best.

Bang opposite where I stay there is a bus stop. Every morning I see men and woman waiting for the bus. The minute the bus arrives men start pushing and they do not stop even from pushing woman. These are the educated middle class of India. Among this crowd is a guy who stays in my very apartment complex who has an impeccable style, talks well, and is a loving husband and a father. The wait at the bus stop makes him lock all his manners in a safe vault. He is the first to push everyone in his way not bothering to see who he has pushed out. If I were to dissect his behavior I think the way he has been nurtured has defined how he treats his wife and kids. His nature which is animal behavior is in full display at the bus stop.

It is also said behavior is also linked to environment and to make an objective comparison of behavior one has to ensure the environment is the same. This is true from my driving experience in Bombay and in the US. In the US the road manners are impeccable and every one follows the rules. However there too I saw an exception where Bombay style driving manners were in full display. Near my office a narrow road led to a free way entrance. After five in the evening the road was choked with cars trying to get to the free way. To add to the chaos was a gas station just near the entrance of the free way.

At times I had to wait at the signal for 20 minutes or more despite having a green signal, because of the block. People tried all tricks up their sleeves to get ahead of others and all traffic etiquettes were down in the dumps. The interesting fact is that just 15 feet away from this mess, people would graciously give me way when I tried to enter the road from my office compound where there was not much traffic. So at a distance of 15 feet two kinds of behavior is on display. The people are the same, time of the day is the same, and the only difference is the environment, which in this case is the traffic.

Nurtured behavior is a result of training whereas nature is what we are born with. Nurturing can help shape an individual, the nature remains within, in latent form and never leaves a person. Nature raises its head when the environment changes, the same environment in which one was nurtured.

I would love to believe that for Pratish holding the door for a woman is his nature and not a result of nurture.