One morning my husband was making coffee and the maid was
cleaning the kitchen. He offered her a cup of coffee. My maid shot back, I take
coffee only with milk. My husband did not like the rejection his generous offer
of black coffee met with. He shot back,” well that’s what I drink”. The maid
leaned to see if his coffee was black too, she did not trust him. My husband drinks only black coffee, the maid
had to accept it grudgingly. My husband did not like her demanding when he
expected her graciously accept what he generously gave her.
I told my husband, she knows how to survive, and this
quality of asking upright what she needs without bothering about the decorum
will help her. I was once at the receiving end of her demands. One day there
was no fruit Jam and I made her peanut butter sandwich, to which she said she
would prefer a Jam sandwich. I had to
eat the peanut butter sandwich myself.
When I was growing up my parents taught us to live within
our means. Be happy with whatever you are given; never ask for more, it was
construed as being greedy. I hold that lesson to this date. I had to live with
whatever money my parents gave, or meet the gap by earning the difference. I
could never make myself ask for anything. My husband has a 21 year old niece
studying in a hostel. Often she calls up my husband to ask for money, and other
luxuries like a cell phone etc. When the
first time she called, I was a little surprised at her ability to ask for money
from her uncle. I just thought to myself, this girl will survive, because she
knows how to ask. Later when I came to know she was 21, I was aghast that at
this age when she should be fending for herself, she was audacious enough to
put across her demands for cash and other electronics. I could never do that, I
was always taught that it was wrong to ask for things. While my husband did not
like the maid demanding, he never saw anything wrong in his nieces’ demands.
Blame it on the feudal society we live in where principles are stretched to fit
an individual depending on where ones rank in the social circle.
I held to this teaching of my parents even in the corporate
world. I could never make myself ask for quantum of cash. All I could say was I
think that I am not paid well. Needless to say the “I think” factor was latched
on to by my bosses and they convinced me that it is indeed my thinking and not
reality and that I was among the best paid J.
I could ask for work, to prove my sincerity but could not demand cash for work.
I would rue in private about less pay and more work but could never make myself
demand what I want in terms of pay. The issue used to get manifold the moment I
was asked by bosses what is that I expect in cash terms. I would meekly say
whatever is as per the policy. Come on girl, I would say to myself, this is the
time to quote a figure!!!! But no, how can I do it, only the greedy ask. In the
end I get paid according to policy which is peanuts.
So I am very sure my maid and my niece will do in life, they
have the ability to ask without guilt what they need without bothering about
decorum or anything that comes close to it.
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